Straight Stella: To live and let live….

“A new baby is like the beginning of all things - wonder, hope, a dream of possibilities”

Eda J. Le Shan

Many women get to a point in their lives where their hearts pull towards one thing and one thing only, and that is to give life, to have baby and be a mommy.  With the exception of a few women in this world, most of us get to a point where we yearn for the opportunity to be a parent and when it either cannot happen, or won’t happen – we almost become obsessed with the matter.  I guess that that is just the way that we are put together…made to eventually be mothers, nurturers if you will.

Everybody is different, and it sometimes seems so unfair that some people fall pregnant, “sommer so” with no effort at all.  And then you get people with all the correct “tools” required to fall pregnant at their disposal, and they struggle and try for years – all to no avail.  Then you get the  people that don’t have those “tools” and believe that they just don’t have the means.

I would like to tell you today about a colleague of mine.  *Samantha is a gorgeous, tall and smart 36 year old woman, and unfortunately still single.  She should serve as an inspiration to all of us, as she has lead a very healthy, active life, she’s enjoys participating in cycling events, she can keep an intelligent conversation, she doesn’t drink, she doesn’t smoke, she owns her own property and generally is just a total breath of fresh air. 

Samantha always had the ideal in her mind that Mr. Right would come her way when the time is right, and that they would get married and have a family.  But by the time she reached 36, she hasn’t met anyone yet, and because there were signs of hormonal problems and the threat of being pre-menopausal among the women in her family, Samantha decided to have herself checked out just to find out how much time she has left to start a family.  Despite the fact that Samantha was in great shape physically and lead a very healthy lifestyle, the results of the tests that the doctor ran came back less than favorable for Samantha, and she was basically told that if she  ever wanted children, now would be the time to have them – or else she might never be able to have children of her own.

This news came as a big shock to her, and she was very emotional for a couple of days afterwards, but she made a decision, she knew exactly what she needed to do, and true to Samantha, she got up and went to see one of Johannesburg’s best Fertility Specialists.  She was going to have artificial insemination - pronto.

The specialist ran the necessary tests, put her on the necessary fertility drugs and vitamins, and then, she could decide on a donor!  That was the fun part!  Lucky for us, she involved all her close friends in the selection process.  She was given these lists with donor information:  What their physical features are, their hobbies, profession and even a small bit of self written information about what their personalities and characters are like.
Samantha narrowed it down to only 3 men that she felt she would feel attracted to in real life, and we all spent our afternoons imagining what a child would look like if this one with the curly blonde hair or that one with the blue eyes were to be the fathering donor.  She reached a decision and off she went to the clinic to start the next step of the process….and we all waited with baited breath…..

Unfortunately in that instance it didn’t take and even though she was a little discouraged, she soldiered on and tried again…..and we all waited…..again….. about 2 weeks later Sam confirmed that she was indeed pregnant!  You could just see it in her eyes that she was just in a state of total and utter bliss….and that she was very proud of herself for being able to do this for herself.  But nothing could prepare us for the next set of news we received.

There I was one morning, on my way to my desk in the office where we work, and I was greeted by a very weepy Samantha….I immediately thought that something was the matter….I didn’t even want to ask for fear that it might be bad news….but I did ask nevertheless, and Samantha shared with me that she went to see the doctor that morning and it is confirmed that she is expecting twins!

That moment right there is a moment in my life and a moment that her and I shared that I will cherish forever.  I could feel something happening in that space where my heart is, and I was just so ecstatically happy for her that I even started crying.  She kept repeating that this is happening, and I could almost feel her happiness  and joy radiate through the entire office! 

Sometimes, I will watch Samantha tell her story to other people with that same sparkle in her eyes as when she told me the first time, and I can’t help but wonder whether these men that selflessly donate their sperm for the use of other unidentified women even realize just how much joy and happiness their acts of selflessness bring to the lives of these otherwise ordinary women?

There are so many of us out there, some with similar stories to Samantha’s and some totally different, but I just wanted to share this particular story with our readers today because it just absolutely warmed my heart with everything that is warm and fuzzy to see how someone else’s dream was made a reality just because one man donated his sperm for her to use….and I say big up to those men! I don’t think they get the recognition that they deserve, and most of the time, people don’t give them a second thought….so I say it again, big up dudes!

And for those of you who also dream about having a family and being a mommy, don’t let certain circumstances get you down.  If you are medically and physically fit to conceive and carry a child, go for it, it is totally worth it!  And as Don Herrold once said:  “Babies are such a nice way to start people”.

That’s all from me for today, stay safe, and take care of each other – always.

Straight Stella