The closest I’ll ever get to Haute Couture is my Lettie Bags. Now, for those of you that need a little explanation, a lettie bag is kind of like a fag hag with a twist. It’s a straight girl that enjoys the company of lesbians without any sexual elements and is believed by many to be the purest form of friendship. I tend to agree. And if you think about it long and hard enough you’ll soon realise, that the world is changing, for the better, and the quintessential Lettie Bag is proof of that. So apart from putting these lovely ladies on display, this is my way of giving homophobia the middle finger!
So let me tell you about these amazing women. They are between the ages of 20 and 40, very attractive and all heterosexual. Erika is my cousin. She’s an intellectual and can out-argue most people. I adore her dark sense of humour and her fluidity in sarcasm. She has great taste in music and I can’t go a day without her witty Facebook status updates. GeeGee is the ULTIMATE lettie bag/fag hag and proud of it! Nothing gets her claws out faster than homophobes, I’ve seen that first hand! She’s also a lady of leisure, enjoys the finer things in life and can drink ANYONE under the table without much effort In my experience, once GeeGee’s taken a liking to you, you have the most caring and loyal friend for life. Tania is one of my employees (read personal slave J). I was her hubby’s best “dyke” at their wedding and she enjoys calling me her skelmpie and telling her husband that she’s going to run off with me one day, all as a joke of course. She often makes me blush and leaves me speechless with her antics. Marian is my sister. Even though we’re not related biologically, we are, in my opinion, closer than any of our other siblings and we always have a great time together. She’s the best sister anyone could ever hope to have and I love her dearly. Stella is one of my very best friends in the world. She’s always there when I need advice, a shoulder to cry on, a good skinder, and even a good laugh. She’s one of the few people I trust with absolutely everything and no one puts things in perspective for me quite like she does and she’s probably the only person on the planet that I absolutely HAVE TO speak to every day. Gothgirl and I used to work together for the Clueless Corporates. We became friends almost instantly and our friendship overcame the office boundary just as fast. We have a lot in common and enjoy a lot of the same things. She’s a fierce poker player and a very talented graphic designer. Colorful is unfortunately still with the Clueless Corporates but I’m sure she still gives them hell. She’s one of the most interesting and funniest people I know and her office antics and colourful use of words has me in stitches almost every day. She is the expert when it comes to Gatiep and Meraai, Black Label, Forty winks and jou ma se….
So now that you know them just a little bit better, let’s see how they see us…
Erika: We are related, so I've known her all my life
Geegee: I met Miss Jones on Facebook when we discovered a joint love of the blogosphere and a joint disgust of homophobic idiots. I call Jonesey my Gentledyke. She prefers the term ‘futch’ to ‘dyke‘, so I call her ‘fudge’ sometimes to take the piss out of her. Jonesey and I get on so well that she has been welcomed into our jealously guarded inner circle of merry misfits, which is no mean feat. Personally I thought it was very brave of her the first time she came to visit all on her own. For all she knew we could’ve been an undercover bunch of hillbillies looking for a new gimp to keep in the basement. We had a blast that first night and I liked her even more when I realised that certain songs had her reaching for the feather boas and working it sista! just like me. Even though we’ve only known each other a relatively short time we bonded very quickly as online friends which is why she’s one of very few people that I’ve wanted to meet for real. We have oodles in common and always have a great time together – she does the best air guitar I’ve ever seen as well and she’s kept me entertained for many hilarious hours in the Rabbit Hole when it’s just the two of us.
Tania: Well myself and Miss Jones met almost 2 years ago. At first I was very shy I didn’t say a word. Now I think she wishes that I didn’t speak at all.Marian: Miss Jones is my sister. We have an awesome relationship and would not trade her for the world
Stella: This lesbian friend in particular I regard as one of my best friends. She’s weird, wonderful and fabulously eccentric. She was first friends with my husband as they worked together and I met her through him and I like to think that there was an instant connection and we’ve been close ever since. We’ve been friends for just over a year now, and I see many more years to come!
Gothgirl: We met at our previous slave pen, and I think we have been friends for about 4 years now. My friend is the type of person that I trust completely. She is the one you phone in the middle of the night when the shit hits the fan and she will come immediately with guns blazing.
Colorful: Sy is k@k mal, like n praaitjie, Kan die hele dag eet en slaap soos n groot Baba, Ons is daai nuwe Gossip Girls, Sy het paar k@k gewoontes maar is eintlik n Doll! Ons raak die Baas k@k gewoond.
Erika: I knew she was gay all along....I was very relieved when she finally came out of denial.
Geegee: I knew she was gay before we became friends and I couldn’t care less.
Tania: At first I was a sceptical because i was afraid of lesbians. But it didn’t affect our friendship at all.Marian: I knew from the start and there is no problem whatsoever
Stella: Erm, she was gay when I met her....
Gothgirl: I don’t think it affected our friendship because she was very upfront about it. I knew she was gay from the day I met her
Colorful: We had more to talk about
Erika: we see each other on a regular basis
Geegee: Not often enough but we try and have a session in the Rabbit Hole at least once a month.Tania: Everyday, she’s my boss
Marian: Not as often as we should, she stays in JHB
Stella: We don’t get to see each other as often as we would like, but we bbm every day for fear of withdrawals.
Gothgirl: Unfortunately not a lot. We stay at the opposite ends of Gauteng and we don’t work together anymore. But when we do get together we have a lot of fun.
Colorful: 8 Foking Hours , 5 times a week { If sickness is not faked}
What activities do you most enjoy with your lesbian friend?
Erika: Braai, and having a few drinks togetherGeegee: Getting pissed and making fun of Brakpan. Getting pissed and questioning her about what lezzie’s do in bed. Getting pissed and acting like hooligans. Getting pissed and dancing like a gay couple at a Brakpan sokkie jol. Getting pissed and taking photo’s we have to delete the next day. Getting pissed and well.... getting pissed!
Tania: Having a get together
Marian: Braai and party
Stella: A good skinder over a tjop and dop or bbm heehee
Gothgirl: Gaming, Drinking and dissing the clueless corporates
Colorful: k@k praat , eet , rook , en die Baas mock
Are you afraid that your friend might make a move on you?
Erika: No, she's my cousin
GeeGee: Well, she always gets me so curtained when she visits that I wouldn’t know if she has. Maybe that’s her evil plan and would explain the wickedly addictive caramel vodka she always brings along. At least she can’t knock me up, so it’s all good ;-)
Tania: Nope I trust herMarian: Never, she respects my choices as I respect hers
Stella: Not really....no actually not at all – why would she do that? I don’t think I’m her type...
Gothgirl: No, because she knows im straight and respects that
Colorful: Foken mal g@t die….Praat so baie k@k, Ons dink nie aan daai k@k nie
Have you ever crossed the line with someone of the same sex? If so was it forced or experimental?
Erika: that desire never arose
GeeGee: As the saying goes, ‘If you can remember the 80’s you weren’t really there’, so I wouldn’t be surprised if I have. As for being ‘forced’, I have a very rubber arm that’s easy to twist so I’ve never been forced into anything and I’m old enough to own the shit I tend to get up to sometimes
Marian: Yes!!! With a girl named Lana. I figure it was experimental in some way. Not my cup of tea
Stella: Yes, and it was about 10 years ago. It was experimental in the sense that we wanted to establish for sure whether we are straight or not. The consensus was that we were definitely straight J
Gothgirl: Haha I had a snog with a stripper once at Teazers Midrand. Highly experimental of course, I enjoy watching female strippers a lot more than the male ones
Colorful: teen die tyd wat die drank inskop is da nie tyd vir daai deng nie.
Do you feel that your friendship with LGBTI people undermines your sexuality?
GeeGee: Not at all, why should it? I think only closet homosexuals would have that problem. At my age I don’t give a flying fuck through a rolling doughnut what people think of me and I’m very secure in my sexuality and the fact that I’m straight, albeit a bit on the hedonistic side when the tequila/vodka/sambucca strikes... *ahem*
Tania: No, I don’t. I think it’s a choice of life and each one is entitled to their own choices.
Marian: Uhm no that, as everything else, does not dictate who you are.Stella: What are LGBTI people? I don’t even know what that is....so I guess it doesn’t undermine anything of mine?
Gothgirl: Not at all, I am who I am regardless of the company I keep.
Colorful: Not in fok nie!
Before becoming a lettie bag, how did you feel about homophobia and gay people?
Erika: I've never been a homophobe, I've got I few gay family members.
GeeGee: I’ve been a fag hag for as long as I can remember so obviously I LOVE ‘the gays’ as my mother-in-law calls them, like they’re a different Tribe or something... Few things get my back up as quickly as homophobia does, I see RED. Personally I think that most homophobes are so terrified they’ll come rocketing out of the closet by accident that they feel their only defence is hatred - dumb wastes of skin. My gay friends have been an integral part of my life and I wouldn’t trade them for anyone. Their loyalty, love, acceptance and just plain heart has humbled me more than once.Tania: I was always ok with it as long as they didn’t try and hit on me
Marian: For some reason, I have a problem with people and not their relationships.
Stella: I have never been homophobic, I don’t feel that it’s right to pass judgement like that. Besides, I think that gay people are just ordinary people – just like me and everyone else, their sexual orientation is just different. I don’t understand why some people could have an issue with gay people – it’s not a disease...
Gothgirl: Never had a problem, as long as you don’t force it on me, I am very open minded and I feel whatever makes you happy is cool, I feel the same about religion.
Colorful: Eks Coloured, ek mind my own besigheid
What’s your views on gay marriage?
Erika: to each his ownGeeGee: Love is love...
Tania: If you’re straight and you can get married then why not if you’re gay it’s the same thing isn’t it
Marian: There I am in two minds, God made Adam and Eve and not Adam and Steve. But for my friends I will be there in support, because at the end of the day it is her choice
Stella: Am I supposed to have views on gay marriage? I think that people should stop worrying about gay people wanting to get married and worry about more important things happening in this country and the world right now. Gay marriage isn’t going to speed up the global warming process....it isn’t going to bring down the crime statistics in South Africa....why don’t we share our views on something more important like that and leave the gay community to marry and live the normal lives they wish to live. I don’t understand the issue here. If I am forced to just accept that my president has married more than one woman as his wife, I can certainly accept that gay people have a right to share that commitment too.
Gothgirl: Don’t have a problem with it, same feeling as the above question
Colorful: The parties will be awesome { So make the circle BIGGER}
Do you trust your lesbian friend with your deepest darkest secrets?
Erika: secrets are not meant to be entrusted to anybody
GeeGee: I don’t trust anyone with my deepest darkest secrets, that’s why they’re called secrets!Tania: Yes I do. I trust her with my life
Marian: Yeah!!!! She is the first to know because she understands.
Stella: Absolutely
Gothgirl: Yes I do
Colorful: No QQQQQQQ about it
Any particular fond memory?
Erika: the fun we had as kids..
GeeGee: Pride 2011!! I went undercover as a lesbian with Miss Jones as my ‘date’ for the day. My favourite part was when we ran into one of her ex-girlfriends who kept giving her the hairy eyeball and I grabbed Miss Jones and snogged her without warning to make her ex jealous (the dumbfounded look on my Gentledyke’s face was priceless) and it worked!! They stalked us for the rest of the day and I had great fun hanging on my ‘bitch’ until we left – we even had a fake fight... *cackle*
Marian: Mom and Dad’s wedding
Stella: She was nervous about a hot date and started breaking out in pimples because she was so nervous and I told her to imagine this girl on the toilet to calm her nerves haha...she was mortified and I laughed about it for about a week afterwards
Gothgirl: Gold Reef City on an adventure Tour, I could not walk for a week afterwards but we had plenty fun
Colorful: 7:20 tot en met 4:26
How do you feel about being branded as a lettie bag?
Erika: I don't mind being called a lettie bag. It's a noble title...
GeeGee: I take it as a compliment, just as I do being called a fag hag, even though I’ve had my share of shit from homophobic bigots about that. I know how bitchy and particular gay people can be so how can it be a bad thing being accepted into their circles of fabulousity?Tania: I don’t know, how should I feel?
Marian: Never knew I was branded??? But then again, I never did care what people think. I have never really been into famous brands, I happen to stick with what I like
Stella: Branded....I have a problem with being branded as being branded lol
No problem being referred to as a lettie bag though
Gothgirl: Is a bag not an old miserable woman? Don’t think I like it…. It’s sort of stereotyping me into a group.
Colorful: I just luv it
What, in your opinion, is the best part of having a lesbian friend?
Erika: it demonstrates my level of compassion and understanding
GeeGee: My Gentledyke is quite a little lezzie but she has already leapt to my defence more than once. If my passport ever allows me to go to the kind of bar that brawls break out in on a regular basis I would happily pick her to have my back any day. Not only does she always have my back, she calls in her ‘troops’ as well. You can’t buy that kind of loyalty. It’s also kinda nice to have the best of both worlds in one person – sort of a 2 for 1 special! ;-)Tania: I think it’s the same as having a straight friend just having a lesbian friend is way more fun
Marian: Friendship for life!!!!!!
Stella: I guess you never have to worry about your husband ending up in bed with your best friend lol Jokes aside, to me lesbian friends are the same as straight friends really...I don’t see how they are different.
Gothgirl: You sort of become familiar to the inner workings of the gay community…. All very interesting of course
Colorful: Hulle drama impress die coloureds
If there’s anything you could change about your lesbian friend, what would it be and why?
Erika: I don't want to change anything, just as I don't want anybody to change me
GeeGee: Hmmm, lemme see... Her taste in women for sure! *kidding* Honestly though, there’s nothing I would change about her. If I had a problem or an issue with anything I wouldn’t have welcomed her into my life to begin with.Tania: Nothing except her scissor happy hair other than that she’s perfect
Marian: This might be such a cliché, but I don’t believe that Miss Jones needs anything changed. She is a spectacular person as she is and I respect her course and decision in life and should something not work for her, I am here if she needs me
Stella: That she’s stops being such a people pleaser and just once goes and does something that’s totally selfish and just for her.
Gothgirl: I would not change anything, she is the way she is. I just don’t see why we have to label people, Gay or straight? People are people regardless of sex or orientation. I love my friend because she is a good person.
Colorful: Absolutely foking Nothing. She is like a Bruno Mars Song “Just the way you are, coz she is crazy amazing”
