From The Doc #2

Before the storm…

I’m sure you’ve all heard this before, a girl tells you that you need to change or things between you will end. Then, you do your best to change and six months down the line she tells you that you are not the person she fell in love with. Being difficult to please is part of what makes women unique and lets face it girls, we’ll never get it 100% right so the next best thing is to do it right, right from the start. When we go through a break up we always ask ourselves what we did wrong or how we could have done it differently or even if she gives you one more chance you’ll so such and such. Why wait until it gets to that? As they say, prevention is better than cure so here’s a few tips on maintenance and cultivation. Please bare in mind though, too much of anything is bad! Moderation is key here. Balance.

Communication: This is single-handedly the biggest part of any relationship. Whether it be a friendship, a courtship or a marriage. Always make time to talk and always share your feelings with each other. Every now and then take a time out and discuss your relationship. Talk about what made you fall in love with each other, what irritates you about each other, what your fears are and what you want for your future together. Discuss career goals and family, money issues and thoughts in general. This will give you clues on how to avoid future fights and it keeps you two on the same path towards a future together. Do this at least once a week. Also, keep in contact throughout the day. Don’t let a day go by without at least one phonecall or sms, even if it’s just to say hi or to ask if she’s fed the cat. But remember, moderation is key. If you’re too extreme you may come across as jealous or overbearing and this may lead to her leaving.

Keep things exciting: Always try new things and keep things fresh, in all aspects of the relationship. Don’t always go to the same place to party, don’t always take her to the same restaurants or malls, don’t always cook her the same meal and don’t always do the same things in the bedroom. Surprise her every now and then. This can be very tricky though so best you get to know her likes and dislikes before you make an ass out of yourself in the process. The last thing you’d want to do is take her out for a seafood platter only to find out she’s allergic to shellfish or take her to H2O if she’s a goth. If you do this she’ll think you don’t listen when she talks and are not attentive to her needs, but on the other hand, if you surprise her with tickets to her favourite play or flowers on her birthday, she’ll think you’re an amazing listener and that you care. Brownie points for you! Again, moderation is key, do this too often and it won’t be a surprise any more, all the fun will be sucked out and you’ll be too broke to maintain this type of relationship, you also don’t want her to be with you just because you spoil her.

Show that you care, don’t just say it: Balance and moderation is the most important in this aspect. If you overdo things here, you’ll come across as some creepy stalker person that she’ll definitely run away from. Show plenty affection, but keep it for an appropriate time and place, don’t try and make out with her at her grandma’s funeral, but when you’re out with your friends, hold her hand and show her that she’s part of the group. Be protective. Give her your jacket when she’s cold or give the crane driver that’s trying to chat her up a good talking to, and take her side when someone’s fighting with her and it doesn’t concern you, even if she is wrong. Be just a little bit jealous. This shows her that you want her and you actually give a damn.

These are just a few things that you should consider doing when you’re dating someone that you wanna get serious with. There are also a few don’t’s:

DO NOT: Flirt with her best friend
DO NOT: Flirt with her mother
DO NOT: Flirt with her sister
DO NOT: Rip out the whips and chains on the first date, discuss that sort of thing first
DO NOT: Mention your ex during sex or when she does something wrong
DO NOT: Make her choose between you and her family
DO NOT: Take things too fast
DO NOT: Get into a barfight because someone “looked at her”

Of these there are way too many to mention in a single article, but this should give you a basic idea of where to get started. Also take a good hard look at yourself and think of things that you think you can improve on. Also keep in mind that you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else, so get to know yourself before you go on the market.

Please remember that if you need someone to talk to I’m always available on e-mail (moderndrj@gmail.com) as well as facebook (Doc Jay). I always welcome comments and ideas on future articles, so keep it coming. Every now and then the punk in me gets out so we’re going to have some fun with next week’s article. I believe in showing people both sides of the coin, so now that I’ve shown you how to keep someone, The straights do “how to lose a guy in ten days” I’ll show you how to lose a girl in ten seconds!