SEPTEMBER 2012
Save Tonight
Save tonight
A night out with Modern L
Taking a break from the mediocre, we feel that it is our duty here at The Modern L to broaden your horizons and to give you the best possible options for a smashing night on the town. So we took it upon ourselves to seek out the best nightspots and to get totally hammered on your behalf.
The evening started a bit early so we decided to grab some food before our grand adventure. We went to Q's in boksburg to have a drink and kill time by playing a few games of pool. Less than impressed though, as the only music you get to listen to is if someone decides to use the jukebox, and at 5 in the afternoon, there's not many people there so it was mostly surrounded by silence. Also, most of the equipment was out of order which, to me is unacceptable for a place of that size. At least it's a one stop shop. You can chill inside or out, there's plenty of pool tables as well as an airhockey table, a nicely stocked bar and a Bimbo's if the munchies attack.
We then got into our pram and gayly wandered off to High Flyers at the Birchwood conference centre in Boksburg. Let the fun begin!
This avation themed pub/restaurant/club has something for everyone. Great food, gorgeous waitresses (wait for it...), an off the hook DJ, only the best in live entertainment and Jagermeister on tap! As we arrived we were greeted by a firecracker named Mandy who was to be our waitress for the evening. She showed us this amazing little gadget on the table that's connected to a device on her arm. This is how it works...One button to call her, one button for an ice cold Amstel, and another button for a round of Amstels. As soon as you push any of these, the device on her arm starts to vibrate. The one we used the most (we probably broke the thing) was to get Mandy to the table. Ingenius invention don't you think. Myself and another mate had a bit of a contest to see who could get dearest Mandy's phone number. She was awesome. She had a comeback for all our pick up lines and flirtations and even gave us all nicknames. When I saw my dear friend falling in love I decided to gracefully bow out of the contest and have fun and dance my ass off with Martha. The service was 1st class though, our glasses were never empty and our table was always graced with fresh Yagerbombs.
Real music for real people. We were initially a bit disappointed when we got there as our favorite band, SUMMIT was not performing that night, but was pleasantly surprised when I saw old friends, Call To Rule setting up. Sometimes it's nice to get away from the doef doef that seems to be the only option out there for gay people and listen to some music that touches your soul. Also, club music is not everyone's cup of tea and that's ok, everyone is different. Call to Rule opened up with alltime classic "breakfast at Tiffany's" and kept us entertained until midnight with music from Live, The calling and Collective Soul just to name a few. We shook our asses all night long!
For those of you that aren't too keen on the live band thing, there's also a thumping dancefloor downstairs that carries on through most of the night offering the best in commercial club trax. This venue truly has everything. Fine dining, drinks that flow like rivers, amazing service and variety in entertainment, which is very rare. From a modern lesbian perspective, I've been going there for the past four years and I've never felt intimidated or unwelcome or discriminated against and I think my partyclan for the evening would concur!
As the evening ended, C got the elusive phone number and surprise surprise, we were all invited back to Mandy's for coffee and being the gentledykes we are, we gladly accepted and offered the girls a ride home.
What a night! I think we're all still hung over!
High flyers scores our first ever 10/10
Bad Girls was an award winning British television drama series that was broadcast on ITV from 1999 to 2006. It was produced by Shed Productions, the company which later produced Footballers' Wives and Waterloo Road . It was set in the fictional women's prison of Larkhall, and featured a mixture of serious and light storylines focusing on the prisoners and staff of G Wing.
As of November 2010 series 1 - 8 are currently being re released on DVD and Blu Ray.
Welcome to HMP Larkhall. Home of Brittain's most notorious female inmates. Or so they say.
As you get to know the characters you start realising that these are real women, who have real problems, that are amazingly funny, kind and compassionate, but just made the wrong choices.
The most noteworthy characters are Yvonne Atkins, Sylvia "bodybag" Hollamby, The two Julies, Shell Dockley, Denny Blood and of course, Nikki Wade and Hellen Stewart. In my opinion I think this show's success can be solely contributed to the whirlwind romance between Governor Stewart and inmate Wade. I think that the entire lesbian population would agree. In saying this though, my all-time favorite character has got to be Yvonne Atkins played by Linda Henry. She's a tough old alley cat that doesnt take any crap and can still get into the odd scrap if she has to and being top dog as they call it, she's responsible for most of the fun and laughter in this very serious and dramatic series.
Series 1 (1999)
From the beginning, Bad Girls dealt with controversial subject matter. Early episodes of the first series included particularly shocking moments such as a pregnant prisoner miscarrying in her cell, another prisoner being viciously strip-searched by fellow inmates for concealed drugs, and another inmate committing suicide due to being bullied. The central story arc of the first three series revolved around the developing romantic relationship between Nikki Wade, a prisoner serving a life sentence for the murder of a policeman who attempted to rape her girlfriend, and Helen Stewart, the Wing Governor who spent much of series one engaged to her boyfriend. Furthermore, the script, unwilling to compromise the realism of the programme, contained much strong language (for example, the reference to Nikki Wade as a "rug-muncher" and Denny Blood's gloating over the likelihood of Rachel Hicks having "singed her minge").
Other storylines to feature prominently in series one included the pregnancy of a young drug addict Zandra Plackett, the appeal of wrongly-imprisoned Monica Lindsay (frequently referred to as "posh bitch" by other characters), the tragic story of teenage prisoner Rachel Hicks and her bullying by the other inmates, and the illicit relationship between Jim Fenner, the male senior officer and Shell Dockley, the resident bully and drug dealer, serving life for murder.
Series 2 (2000)
Nikki and Helen's relationship deepens with Helen resigning from the Wing Governor's post and working as a new liaison officer for prisoners sentenced to life imprisonment, encouraging Nikki to continue her education and appeal against her sentence. Shell's background was examined in some detail, with harrowing scenes describing childhood abuse. Zandra's tragic story finally comes to a close when she dies from a brain tumour. For light relief, Yvonne Atkins, the gangster's moll, set up "Babes Behind Bars", a sex-hotline staffed by the prisoners with smuggled in mobile phones, playing such characters as "Whiplash Wanda", "Saucy Sonia" and "Vicky the virgin bride". Series two ended on a double cliffhanger, with Nikki escaping from Larkhall to be with Helen, leaving Helen to agonise over whether to contact the police, and Shell luring Fenner to her cell for sex, where she reaches under her bed for a broken bottle.
Series 3 (2001)
Series 3 picks up where Series 2 left off. Jim and Shell are in bed together and Nikki, dressed in a nurse's uniform, is at Helen's house after escaping. Shell stabs Jim with a broken bottle that she had brought back from Sylvia's party, but she is dragged out of her cell before she can finish him off.
The third series saw a high turnover of short-term characters and storylines, but also chronicled the spectacular escape of Shell and Denny Blood to the Costa Del Sol in Spain getting revenge on Sylvia and her husband along the way; Yvonne's top dog status being challenged by Maxi Purvis, the head of the "Peckham Boot Gang"; prison officer Di Barker's struggles as a home carer for her invalid mother and an upbeat finale of Helen and Nikki finally committing to their relationship when Nikki's appeal is successful and she is released from prison.
The cast is brilliantly put together, with each actor portraying their character to the most believable point one can reach. you realise this when you see these talented actors in other shows and it turns your stomach because its not Bodybag or Yvonne. The storyline is also very compelling with most of the plot based on actual events and lets not forget the girl on girl eye candy that Nikki and Hellen so generously provides.
As a British tv drama I have to say I was pleasantly surprised and immediately addicted, it scores an adequate 9/10
From the Doc
It's been a while since my last article, but I'm back now. I needed some time to reflect upon society and I found a couple of things that really grate me. So in the next couple of weeks I will share with you all my gripes with the world around us and warn you of the dangers of specific elements starting with the first devil's poison of our culture and that is, THAT lesbian.
THAT lesbian is a term commonly used to descibe the sort of unsavoury dyke that makes a nuisance of herself wherever she goes and unfortunately people take note of this and compare all of us to this particular fungus. Here is a few examples of what THAT lesbian might be:
The straight chaser:
This thing seems to think she's god's gift to all womenkind and gets a kick out of "converting" straight girls. I dont think she ever really has but she's so full of herself (read low self esteem) that she needs to prove a point by making a nuisance of herself whenever a straight woman crosses her path. This is not good. 9 out of 10 times the straight girl will feel very uncomfortable and might even develop a fear of us and try and avoid our company at all costs. What they dont want to realise though is that they are making a total arse out of themselves and no straight woman would actually look at her twice.
The shitstirrer:
This one likes to make trouble with couples, for no good reason. Ordinary lesbians like myself might befriend the poor soul because she looks lonely and needs some companionship, not knowing that she doesnt have any friends because she's made so much trouble everywhere that no one else wants her around. She's the one that always sends your girlfriend text messages at inappropriate times, lies to you, makes stories up about your other friends and tries to turn your whole world upside down. It is not beyond her to make stories up about you either. Things like friendship, loyalty, integrity and respect means absolutely nothing to this troll and because she doesnt really have anything good going for her in her life she will try and rob you of everything good in your life too!
The greener grasser:
This one is particularly evil and very difficult so spot until it's too late. Yes, she wants to bang your woman! she will start off with a technique i affectionately call the channel. This means that she will try her best to convince you that she's your best friend and she has your best interests at heart. Don't fall for it. She will be your shoulder to cry on when you and your lady has a fight, she'll always back you up, and she'll even tell you what a nasty piece of work your woman is and that she doesnt deserve you. But all this time she wants your girl all to herself and using you to get there. It's not beyond her to make a move the minute you break up or even try to get your girl to cheat on you with her. She's trying to provide the greener grass on the other side of the fence, but as we all know the grass is only greener because of the manure that fertilises it.
The bible basher:
This is a nasty piece of work. Usually a player in top form that hides behind the bible so she doesn't have to face up to how nasty she really is. She's the type of "straight" or hasbian friend that always has a bible verse on her facebook status and likes to tell people what to do and how to live their lives when in the meantime they are stuck in the closet with all their skelletons. They are master manipulators and they have an undeniable knack for making you feel worthless and out of touch with your spirituality and they love forcing their fake god and fake beliefs on you because they themselves break hearts and mess around like champions.
All of us know at least one person like the abovementioned or maybe like myself you know a few of each. I've learn by now how to separate these nasties from true friends and I hope that this article might just equip you with enough savvy to see them coming too. If you already have a person like this in your life, send them packing they will only cause you harm. and if you are one of these devil dykes that I'm referring to, FUCK YOU, you give all lesbians a bad name!
Doc Jay
Best way to make female orgasm?
Hmmm intresting question haha let's say every lesbian out there has a different secret, some will say they have a specail come to bed dish (which automaticly makes the chick scream in the first ten minutes), others will drive through the northen cape while getting it on with their ladys yes while driving, lol and the rest will settle with good old fashion love making. =Dhaha I have a huge imagination. Now seriosly I can't answer this question because woman are all different and I think it is easier when two people are intuned with each other and set out to enjoy the sexual experience
Martha(",)
Do some lesbians find men attractive?
I can't speak for all of us but I find some men attractive.
Megan =)
Would you rather be really hot or really cold?
'Cause you're hot and you're cold
You're yes and you're no
What was the question again? =P
Megan
How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?
I do not know as we do not have tootsie rolls in South Africa.
If you could go only to one restaurant for the next five years, which would it be?
Hmmm now this is hard to answer but I will have to say to Capetown Fishmarket. a Person can never get tired of fish.
Martha(",)
What are your views on same sex marriage? I think if two people love each other they should be happy together no matter their sexual preference.
If two people love each other and are commited then they should get married doesn't matter what your sexual orientation is. Marriage should not be based on gender but rather be concentrated on the importancy of the promise two people make to each other and to God.
Martha(",)
Why are women so mysterious?
Think this is an answer that each woman can answer individualy as no two women are the same
a Christmas poem
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads.
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tinny reindeer.
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
"Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid! on, on Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of Toys, and St Nicholas too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.
His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-nigh