Doc Jay Object of your rejection

The object of your rejection

Reciprocation, my new favourite word. It basically means giving what you get. For example, if someone is kind to you, you reciprocate by showing kindness towards them. Reciprocation as such only makes its presence felt and its importance known, in its absence.
Here’s the dilemma, you have a friend, acquaintance or co-worker that suddenly develops feelings for you. Usually, but not always, this happens after either they or you go through a break up. Not really sure why this happens, might be because they are trying to use you as a means of fixing themselves, or they want to fix you.
Suddenly you are met with subtle flirtation, romantic gestures, regular invitations for occasions to be alone or in “couple” situations, small gifts with hidden meanings, and in some instances, a full blown onslaught of emotion and affection. More often than not, the situation takes you completely by surprise because you’re used to certain boundaries and comfort levels surrounding the lady in question.
Two things can come from this. You either reciprocate or you don’t.
Now how do you handle things when you can’t or don’t want to reciprocate? You know that either way the relationship as it stands, is in dire straits and it’s very existence is threatened by the development of these feelings if you do reciprocate, but even more so if you don’t. Human beings were not programmed to handle rejection and this sort of rejection is all too often misinterpreted.
Even more dangerous than rejection, is forced reciprocation. You may feel that, for the sake of the friendship, you should go along with it. For that reason and that reason only. You know within yourself, you don’t feel the same as she does, but you don’t want to hurt her so you force yourself into the situation. Now you have unwanted physical contact, you’re bombarded with someone else’s feelings you’re not equipped to handle. And so the resentment breeds. You start doing things to avoid her, think of ways to put her off, and after a while, when you just can’t take it any more, you start becoming just plain rude. This is not fair on either of you.
What also may happen, is that you reach for your running shoes, try to avoid the situation, and bolt out the door. But as experience tells us, this will come back to bite you. This is also not fair on either of you and it leaves too much confusion around the issue at hand.
Experience also tells us that the right decision is not always the easiest. It’s going to be hard, but the best way of going about this, is to be brutally honest from the word go. Yes, she might not take the rejection well, but it will cause much less damage to both of you and the long term damage to the relationship will be minimised. Social interaction may be awkward at first and there will be periods of uneasy silence, but at the very least you can walk away with your integrity in tact.
Not much is worse than chasing after someone that doesn’t want to be with you, but even worse is being with someone you don’t want, because in the end all you’ll be reciprocating is pain, resentment and bad relationship karma.