Dear Doc

Your questions answered!

Dear Doc

My girlfriend recently left me for another woman. I'm trying to cope and get over her but she keeps contacting me. She tells me that she regrets what she did and that she will always love me, that her relationship with the other woman is headed for disaster and that she's miserable without me. I always fall for her stories only to end up getting hurt all over again. I want to move on with my life but I keep falling into her trap. I cant do this any more. Please help!

Sasha, 24
Hi Sasha

You are not alone! So many people have asked me this question in the last while and I always have the same answer. You need to cut all contact with her. Delete and block her off all social networking platforms, remove her number from your phone and bar incoming calls from her. Also, try and not go to places that she frequents. Out of sight, out of mind. Simple fact is, she's using you as a backdoor or safety net incase her new relationship doesn't work and she's playing you like a fiddle, saying all the right things to keep you hooked. No one deserves that and I hope you have enough self respect and determination to cut her off at the knees and not to fall for her tricks again. Also keep in mind that you WILL get over her, if you let yourself and everything will be ok.
Hi Doc

I met a girl that I really like and she says she likes me too. We've been spending a lot of time together and are we getting close but every time I mention wanting a relationship with her, she pulls away and it usually ends in an arguement. She says she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now and likes things the way they are but it's not enough for me. what do I do now? I don't want to lose her but I want more?

Michelle, 20

Hey Michelle

Your question really hit home for me and I'm afraid there's no easy answer or quick fix for this. I can tell you that if you do put pressure on the situation you will eventaully lose her. Try and be accomodating and understanding. Respect her decision and enjoy the time you have together. Believe me, I know how hard it can be to put your feelings in your pocket but for now it will just have to do. You also need to decide if this girl is worth all the effort. You are putting yourself through hell and the emotional rollercoaster will eventually start taking it's toll on you. But if you want my advice, hang in there! Give it time and have some patience, something amazing may come out of it, like the relationship you so badly want or maybe a special friendship you may find you can't live without.

Dear Doc

I don't know what to do any more. Whenever we go out with our friends, my girlfriend starts flirting with everyone, especially when she's had a few drinks, she dances with everyone and carries on like she's single. I don't like it but I don't want to come across as being jealous and possessive even though I think she does it to make me jealous and get a reaction out of me. I end up not enjoying myself and fighting with my friends. It's getting to a stage where I don't want to go out or even have my friends around my girlfriend any more.

Catherine, 32
Hi Catherine

Have you spoken to your girlfriend about this? Clearly this upsets you quite a lot and that's understandable. I think if you speak to her and tell her how you feel about it she might tone it down a bit. Also, maybe if you understood her motivation behind all that, you won't feel so bad when she does it. Maybe she's just having fun but it should never be at the expense of your relationship. Also, maybe have a chat to your friends and tell them that it makes you uncomfortable to entertain your girlfriend's advances, whatever their or her intentions may be.
Hi Doc

I've been with my girlfriend for six months and I love her a lot. We moved in together last month and it's going great. I want to take the next step and ask her to marry me but I don't know if we're ready or how she will react? Any advice?

Alex, 27
Hey Alex

I'm happy to hear that there's a happy couple out there and that things are going well. As lesbians we seem to do things at lightening speed and it often comes back to bite us in the butt! I'm not saying that's the case with you, but if I were you I'd throw just a little bit of caution to the wind. Marriage is a very big step and it's one that should be considered very carefully. If you want my advice, wait a bit. See if you guys can live together just a bit longer without getting annoyed. Then maybe sit her down and have a chat about your future. Ask her where she sees your relationship headed and what she wants for the future. That way you'll figure out very quickly if it's a good idea to propose.